What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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