I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
