Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
