We won't sleep together?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
