he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
