I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
