So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
