oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
