drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
