Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
