he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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