Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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