why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize