i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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