I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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