He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i think i just lost a toe
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize