My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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