Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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