so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
