I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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