so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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