she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize