Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
