so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
