Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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