My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
