just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
