Christians are straight up FREAKS
why didn't you poke me back
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
