If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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