I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
