I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
