I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
