In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
