I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
