They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
