So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
