He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
