And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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