operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
