He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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