FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize