I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
