This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
