you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
