Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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