Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
