So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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