I wish they made helmets for livers.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
