She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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