apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
