Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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