Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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