just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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