i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
