Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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