Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
