It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
