yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
