It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
