woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
