i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
