whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
