Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
