i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
