Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
