every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
