He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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