i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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