Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
