my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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