i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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