last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
