Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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