take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
