Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
