I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
