I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
