dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
