OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
