but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
