The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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