idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
