Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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