I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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