I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
