I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize