I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
