oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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