Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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