Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
