Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
