six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
