i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
