apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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