I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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