ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
