I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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