You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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