i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
