We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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