i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
