they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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