dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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