Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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