Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
