Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize